Take Me to Your Leader

Two aliens landed in the Arizona desert near a gas station that was closed for the night. They approached one of the gas pumps and the younger alien addressed it saying, “Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Take us to your leader.”

The gas pump, of course, didn’t respond.

The younger alien became angry at the gas pump’s lack of response. The older alien said, “I’d calm down if I were you.” The younger alien ignored the warning and repeated his greeting. Again there was no response.

Angered by what he perceived to be the pump’s haughty attitude, the younger alien drew his ray gun and said impatiently, “Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Do not ignore us this way! Take us to your leader or I will fire!”

The older alien again warned the younger, saying, “You don’t want to do that! I really don’t think you should make the Earthling mad.”

“Rubbish,” replied the cocky young alien. He aimed his weapon at the pump and fired. There was a huge explosion. A massive fireball roared toward them, blew the younger alien off his feet, and deposited him a burnt, smoking mess about 200 yards away in a cactus patch.

Half an hour passed. When the young alien finally regained consciousness, he refocused his three eyes, straightened his bent antennae, and looked dazedly at the older, wiser alien, who was standing over him shaking her big, green head.

“What a ferocious creature!” exclaimed the young, fried alien. “He damn near killed me! How did you know he was so dangerous?”

The older alien leaned over, placed a friendly feeler on her crispy friend, and replied, “If there’s one thing I’ve learned during my intergalactic travels, it’s that you don’t want to mess with a guy who can loop his penis under his ass and then stick it in his ear.”