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The GOP’s Ten Commandments September 5, 2010

Posted by Mary W. Matthews in Politics.
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Unless you’ve been living in a cave, you’ve noticed that every time an election nears, there’s a strong upswing in right-wing religiosity. In fall 2010, for example, we are being instructed that the plan to construct a YMCA-like community center almost half a mile from Ground Zero is proof that Islam itself hates America and that all 1,580,000,000 Muslims in the world rejoiced over the actions of 18 terrorists on 9/11. God hates, Fred Phelps tells us, and no right-winger dares (or, perhaps, wishes) to dispute him. Amazingly enough, the god that Fred Phelps worships hates all the same people Fred Phelps hates.

While right-wing religious leaders have demonstrated a real penchant for adultery or gay sex (or both), “religious” leaders like Glenn Beck are always willing to point out that God hates gays; God hates liberals and progressives (which right-wingers make no distinction between); God hates people of color, especially those who want better lives for their children and those who voted for Obama; God hates dissenters from Republican and/or Tea Party dogma; and God hates uppity women who want to keep their right to control their own bodies. On August 28, 2010, Beck anointed himself America’s Savior. His adoring followers don’t even seem to notice or care that Beck is a Mormon and that Mormons are not Christians but polytheists who call themselves Christians. (Mormon theology teaches that good male Mormons can evolve to become gods of their own planets. Good female Mormons can evolve to be holy Uteruses, squirting out bajillions of “spirit babies” over the eons — fully one-fourth of which will turn out to be demons. Good Mormon women presumably want to spend eternity suffering from morning sickness and backaches.)

Here are the Ten Commandments as preached by Fox News / Rupert Murdoch, the billionaire Koch brothers, Glenn Beck, Rush Limbaugh, Sarah Palin, and other right-wing celebrities:

First Commandment: I am Mammon, your god. Thou shalt have no god but Profit and Wealth. Thou shalt have no other Bible but Fox News and hate radio.

Republicans control almost twice the wealth controlled by Democrats.

One of the fundamentals of Mammon-worship is that no other reason for taxation exists but to steal right-wingers’ money and spend it on evil projects like reducing soaring right-wing health-care profits, reducing soaring right-wing Wall Street profits, or reducing soaring right-wing ownership of wealth. (You think the right-wing ownership of wealth is mythic? Check out the chart at right, which I found on the Washington Post website.) Education? The interstate highway system? The ever-deteriorating climate? Pollution? Social Security? Veterans’ benefits? Food poisoning and epidemics? National disasters? Forget ’em. Not one is as sacrosanct as reducing the tax “burden” on Republicans who make more than a million dollars a year. Those poor babies are paying less than they’ve ever paid in the history of U.S. taxation, but they’re paying more than zero, and that means they’re suffering unjustly.

Second Commandment: You must worship Republican / Tea Party dogma as promulgated by Karl Rove. Make golden-calf idols for yourselves of gold from Goldline; bow down and worship Profit, Wealth, and Rugged Independence. Libel, slander, and smear at will, for this pleases your god.

Third Commandment: You must honor the name of Saint Ronald the Perfect. Many Democrats remember the Old Cowboy as lazy; unreflective; almost as stupid as George W. Bush; and largely dependent on Nancy and Nancy’s astrologer. These memories are sacrilege. Yes, through supply-side economics Reagan and George H.W. Bush tripled the national debt. Yes, through supply-side economics George W. Bush single-handedly more than doubled the national debt. So what? These three presidents presided over a massive transfer of wealth from the poor and middle classes to the Republican oligarchy, and that makes them holy. If you return the GOP to power in November 2010, they promise that this time, supply-side economics will make you as rich as Rupert Murdoch and the Koch brothers.

Fourth Commandment: Honor the times during which Glenn Beck broadcasts and keep them holy. Glenn Beck is your Savior. God talks to Glenn Beck. If you think Beck is babbling partisan gibberish and hate, that’s YOUR fault. This commandment applies to all Replutocrat pundits, including Beck, Rush Limbaugh, Bill O’Reilly, Sarah Palin, Michelle Malkin, Ann Coulter, and anyone who “reports” on Fox News.

Fifth Commandment: Honor Sarah Palin, your mama grizzly, and “Papa Bear” Bill O’Reilly, your daddy dearest, as Mammon your god commands you. If your actual mother and father disagree with these pundits, they are evil and must be shunned, slandered, and smeared.

Sixth Commandment: If you get caught committing murder, adultery, perjury, sex with gay prostitutes, or any other crime, blame it on socialist commie fascist progressive liberals. Remember that if a non-right-winger commits these crimes, it is proof that his/her entire social group is evil, particularly if he is a progressive, a person of color, or a Muslim. However, if a right-winger blows up a federal building or slams into a building containing federal offices with his very own airplane, this is strictly an individual aberration and has nothing to do with right-wing secular theology as a whole.

Seventh Commandment: You may only commit adultery if you are a Replutocrat, like Gingrich, Delay, Ensign, Sanford, Vitter, etc. For example, receiving a blowjob is evil. Telling your wife you want a divorce while you are cheating on her with your next wife — while your current wife is in the hospital being treated for cancer — is so virtuous you might just run for President in the next election cycle.

Eighth Commandment: It’s not stealing from America’s future if you call it a tax cut for small businesses. If one percent of the benefits of a tax cut go to Republican small businesses, and the remainder to Greedy Oil Plutocrats, those tax cuts are holy; talk only about those small businesses.

Ninth Commandment: Give all the false witness Fox wants, especially about Obama’s birth, Obama’s Christianity, Islam, global warming, deregulation of Wall Street, health care reform, and headless corpses in the desert. Remember, it’s only false witness if it comes from a non-Replutocrat or a non-Tea Bigot. If you hear it on Fox News or hate radio, it is fact.

Tenth Commandment: It’s not coveting if you actually TAKE what doesn’t belong to you, like $700 billion PER YEAR in bailouts for billionaires. This is an important point. “Coveting,” as defined by the Hebrew of the Hebrew Scriptures, consists of wanting something that doesn’t belong to you and taking active steps to get it, as by cheating on your income tax return or stealing from future Social Security recipients. If you actually have what you coveted, it’s not coveting any more; therefore it was never coveting to begin with.

There you have it. Memorize and live by these Ten Com­mand­ments, and Rupert Murdoch and the Koch brothers will bless you and make you holy. You will have the riches of Gordon Gecko. They promise.

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